MudNCrud Forums
Sitting and Day Dreaming => Mud Puddle => Topic started by: JC w KC redux on August 23, 2016, 04:37:12 PM
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Heard one for Brad yesterday.
Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs?
The cow has the udder.
I heard this said in a movie. Books are TV for smart people.
Does it help that we now have a smart TV?
Does that mean we can no longer call it the Boob Tube or Idiot Box?
Speaking of clever sayings, I saw where there is a new documentary about Frank Zappa in theaters.
How many mudders besides me and nelkins are Zappa fans?
(https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/pw/ACtC-3e82I1QGmLF78CTugXfiT-Un9s5ANM8x5NJ67zf6EWqBYeeTN4IsIM-zrYIu5F-KDTgRDhP2x9HbtWZAx7FFMn7t1tzlEc7RoAc-MrpNSIYaoDad7NC7nxV0rw-8RbZzRyMIk_14yafKidUw0220UxS=w773-h625-no?authuser=0)
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How many mudders besides me and nelkins are Zappa fans?
(http://i1057.photobucket.com/albums/t395/JCwKCredux/Zappa%20collage_zps2ujduuad.jpg) (http://s1057.photobucket.com/user/JCwKCredux/media/Zappa%20collage_zps2ujduuad.jpg.html)
Count me in. A person has to be brilliant to be that irreverent.
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Laughing makes for strong abs.
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I drove from the Bay Area to LA while listening to Joe's Garage.
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I drove from the Bay Area to LA while listening to Joe's Garage.
why?
Not the music, but the drive?
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After starting this thread, J.C.'s next project was to figure out what happened to the sun at night. He stayed up and stayed up trying to figure out where the sun was and why it was dark.
Then it dawned on him.
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After starting this thread, J.C.'s next project was to figure out what happened to the sun at night.
ESAD! :madmax:
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JC's stool and udder joke get's 1.5 stars, Brad's joke would have received 2 as well in a generic form but insinuating JC in a lawn chair, up all night waiting..., gets an additional star.
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JC's stool and udder joke get's 1.5 stars, Brad's joke would have received 2 as well in a generic form but insinuating JC in a lawn chair, up all night waiting..., gets an additional star.
You can skip the feast and just DIE :puke:
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I drove from the Bay Area to LA while listening to Joe's Garage.
Were you singing along with Bald Headed John King?
I'm over 2 kilometers tall... :lol:
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The category on Jeopardy was Almost Rhymes With Orange.
Here are the clues. Pretty easy. I ran the category.
Carrying boats and supplies overland between two navigable bodies of water
French for a mixture or medley of things
To scorch, or to burn the ends of hair or cloth
In a popular saying, this is a dish best served cold
The form of rock most closely associated with Kurt Cobain and Nirvana
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The category on Jeopardy was Almost Rhymes With Orange.
Here are the clues. Pretty easy. I ran the category.
Carrying boats and supplies overland between two navigable bodies of water
PORTAGE
French for a mixture or medley of things
COLLAGE
To scorch, or to burn the ends of hair or cloth
CINGE
In a popular saying, this is a dish best served cold
REVENGE
The form of rock most closely associated with Kurt Cobain and Nirvana
MUNGE
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What did the chick say when the hen laid an orange?
Look at the orange marma laid!
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have you ever heard of the atheist dial-a-prayer?
you call it up and nobody answers.
just don't let your dogma get run over by a kharma, but if it happens, i don't mind being on the bus watching, as i am not perfect nor ever will be, other wise i would be god, jus sayin, wtf, over?
Courtesy of a Dr. Sprock, from ST this morning, a thread titled-Why do so many people believe in God? (Serious Question?)
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3 out of 5. Not Bad :biggrin:
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My neighbor said he was afraid to grow an apple tree.
I suggested he grow a pear.
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I don't snore.
I just dream that I am a motorcycle.
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All Swedish battleships have a UPC code printed on the hull.
When the ships return to port, it helps them Scandinavian.
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A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made love to a woman. The general replied "1956, ma'am."
The woman, in disbelief said "1956?! That long? Come with me and let me make your night better." The woman and general went back to her apartment and made passionate love for over an hour. Afterwards, the woman cuddled up to the general and said "Well, you sure haven't forgotten anything since 1956..."
The general looked at her, confused, and replied "I sure hope not, it's only 2130 now."
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“Once upon a time,” I began. “There was a little boy born in a little town. He was perfect, or so his mother thought. But one thing was different about him. He had a gold screw in his belly button. Just the head of it peeping out.
“Now his mother was simply glad he had all his fingers and toes to count with. But as the boy grew up he realized not everyone had screws in their belly buttons, let alone gold ones. He asked his mother what it was for, but she didn’t know. Next he asked his father, but his father didn’t know. He asked his grandparents, but they didn’t know either.
“That settled it for a while, but it kept nagging him. Finally, when he was old enough, he packed a bag and set out, hoping he could find someone who knew the truth of it.
“He went from place to place, asking everyone who claimed to know something about anything. He asked midwives and physickers, but they couldn’t make heads or tails of it. The boy asked arcanists, tinkers, and old hermits living in the woods, but no one had ever seen anything like it.
“He went to ask the Cealdim merchants, thinking if anyone would know about gold, it would be them. But the Cealdim merchants didn’t know. He went to the arcanists at the University, thinking if anyone would know about screws and their workings, they would. But the arcanists didn’t know. The boy followed the road over the Stormwal to ask the witch women of the Tahl, but none of them could give him an answer.
“Eventually he went to the King of Vint, the richest king in the world. But the king didn’t know. He went to the Emperor of Atur, but even with all his power, the emperor didn’t know. He went to each of the small kingdoms, one by one, but no one could tell him anything.
“Finally the boy went to the High King of Modeg, the wisest of all the kings in the world. The high king looked closely at the head of the golden screw peeping from the boy’s belly button. Then the high king made a gesture, and his seneschal brought out a pillow of golden silk. On that pillow was a golden box. The high king took a golden key from around his neck, opened the box, and inside was a golden screwdriver.
“The high king took the screwdriver and motioned the boy to come closer. Trembling with excitement, the boy did. Then the high king took the golden screwdriver and put it in the boy’s belly button.”
I paused to take a long drink of water. I could feel my small audience leaning toward me. “Then the
high king carefully turned the golden screw. Once: Nothing. Twice: Nothing. Then he turned it the third time, and the boy’s ass fell off.”
There was a moment of stunned silence.
“What?” Hespe asked incredulously.
“His ass fell off.”
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One morning, I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I don't know. Then we tried to remove the tusks...but they were embedded in so firmly that we couldn't budge them. Of course, in Alabama, the Tusk-a-loosa. But, uh, that's entirely irrelephant to what I was talking about. --- Groucho belongs with us.
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I’ve asked so many people what LGBTQ stands for.
So far no one has given me a straight answer.
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Bought a new boomerang.
Any suggestions on how to throw the old one out?
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Getting in the hot car on a sunny day.
Kat: "It's hot in here. I'm turning on the AC".
Me: "You need to get rid of the hot air first" (rolls down window).
Kat: "Get out of the car"
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It has been said that if all the cars in the world were lined up end to end, some idiot BAP would eventually try to pass them.
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CHALLENGE!
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I resemble that comment.
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I admit, sometimes resemble that comment, confidently, with a heart as one with the BAP.
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Need more jokes about them SC folk.
They just ain
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A Doctor, a psychologist and a chiropractor walked into bar in Hollywood California.
The bartender, Bugs Bunny, greets them with a customary "What's up docs"
The chiropractor says "That is one smart bunny"
The psychologist says"Yes, a very observant critter"
The Doctor replies "Silly rabbit".
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^^^
Bugs Bunny said "what the hell is a phycologist?"
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It was late :)
He was psyched out.
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Fresh this morning on the Bob and Tom radio show.
They were getting ready to have their musician do his JFK Jr. tribute song.
Tom asked "What did JFK Jr. miss most on Martha's Vineyard?"
"The runway".
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Like hearing a hold make a cracking noise when free soloing at Pinnacles can instantly make you miss a rope.
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I recently bought a toilet brush.
After trying it once I decided to go back to toilet paper.
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Not worth its own thread but Vicki and I find ourselves among familiar names, and that’s close enough to “clever.”
But first the back story. Katie set up a long, llama supported backpacking trip into Wyoming’s Wind River Range for this week. Us and the Dawsons. With climbing gear to do the ultra classic 5.6 East Arete on Wolfs Head.
But Vicki took a very bad fall on our first day in. Basically, she tripped while tired at the end of the day. She smashed her face on granite (and yes, that’s the correct word; I keep seeing it in my minds eye and it makes me wince every time ). She did not lose consciousness. I hiked her out two days ago and we are now playing tourists working our way west from Pinedale Wyoming.
So just now, in our explorations on the way home, we are south of Twin Falls Idaho. We will soon pass through a town named Hollister. On our way to camp at Bear Gulch Campground.
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Sorry to hear about Vicki's mishap. Glad she's OK and you guys made it out safely.
It would be really cool If there's a tree full of Turkey Vultures at the campground.
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That sucks dude.
Please tell her we are thinking about her and sending healing thoughts and good wishes.
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So sorry to hear about the fall. Please tell Vicki I am keeping her in my prayers and thoughts.
Enjoy the trip home!
I'm hanging out in KY right now taking care of mom!
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I hope Vicki heals quickly and that happier trails soon open before you both!
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If anyone loses their mind. Please keep a lookout for mine when you are looking for yours.
:)
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How is Vicki doing?
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Massive black eye, but the wound seems to be healing and the swelling is going down. She and I hiked in the Ruby Mountains yesterday. A fascinating and beautiful miniature mountain range south of Elko Nevada. We ended the day listening to and watching massive thunderstorms.
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If anyone loses their mind. Please keep a lookout for mine when you are looking for yours.
:)
The voice of reason in an endless sea...
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Massive black eye, but the wound seems to be healing and the swelling is going down. She and I hiked in the Ruby Mountains yesterday. A fascinating and beautiful miniature mountain range south of Elko Nevada. We ended the day listening to and watching massive thunderstorms.
That's good news. If it's any help - I like arnica gel for bruising and swelling ("hippie Ben Gay" per Tom Davis). No sting or burn - just soothing comfort - which sounds like a needed prescription.
That hike sounds neat too - glad the massive thunderstorms held off for your hike - show versus shit show.
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“It was spectacular progress if he did say so himself. If he had been God, he dared say he would have been able to rest on the fourth or fifth day instead of the seventh, which would have really screwed up the calendar.”
Split Second
:)
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Friend of mine once commented on someone’s running ability… “If you want to clock his speed, you won’t need a stopwatch, you’ll need a calendar.”
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I like it, and generally considering the majority of persons on this forum, it really helps them to understand what you are conveying if you type slowly when posting.
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If anyone loses their mind. Please keep a lookout for mine when you are looking for yours.
:)
Has the treasure hunt started already?
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I like it, and generally considering the majority of persons on this forum, it really helps them to understand what you are conveying if you type slowly when posting.
Bite me clink :ciappa::ciappa: and by the way - you owe me a post.
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Birdie Nom Nom
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Oh my, I completely forget how to go about communicating with JC. First thing to know is that he likes and studies rocks, mostly to use as tools in productive ways. So carving out messages to JC on stone tablets is his favorite, preferably in groups of ten or less sentences per two tablets. That way he can keep track of the sentences using his fingers. Find a nice bush off trail but near to where he frequents , light the bush on fire to get his attention, leaving the tablets nearby. He is absolutely fascinated by fire, gets a total transporting experience out of staring at it.
Owe him a post? I probably do. A post to use as a club?
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^^^
Not quite the post I was expecting but pretty damn funny.
If we ever have another MoM we should do a roast.
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Oh my
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A weasel walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before!
What can I get you?"
"Pop"
Goes the weasel.
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Cauliflower = Ghost Broccoli
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I will say this at least once to apprentice carpenters "You hammer like lightning"...
"You never strike the same place twice"
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53175423414_a8ba6cb50d_z.jpg)
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I will say this at least once to apprentice carpenters "You hammer like lightning"...
"You never strike the same place twice"
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/53175423414_a8ba6cb50d_z.jpg)
buahahaha
I'm using that!!!
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What came first?
In Alabama the groceries are scrambling to move the fertilized eggs to from the egg display cases to the poultry section of the meat department.
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The other day Kat and I were talking to a pleasant but somewhat odd stranger we met on the trail.
Afterwards, I told her I thought the person was kind of creepy. I could just feel it in my bones and in my balls.
Kat said she could understand me feeling something in my bones but also said I probably shouldn't trust the feeling in my balls since they are nuts.
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Now I've completely lost my appetite.
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Speaking of which...
On the second morning before meeting up with Brad in Arizona, I stopped in for breakfast at a Waffle House(which I thought would be like an IHOP) as it was open early. I almost walked out after looking over the menu but decided that if nothing else I would eat the eggs and forget the rest. The eggs were good, the hash browns OK, both were amazingly greasy even though they didn't look it. The sausage, you would need to close your eyes to eat it and because some of the other early morning clientele present looked possibly suspect, I felt like it was only prudent to blink occasionally. I skipped the sausage.
I think there may have been a pancake, but it was forgettable.
What was not forgettable was the conversation of the fry cook. He was talking about how he was filling in for the other cook who was going to have to get part of his leg amputated. Supposedly, the other cook had this really bad ingrown toenail that got super infected and the doctors took off his toe. My cook thought that they should have taken more of the foot as well because "That gangrene stuff spreads further than you think" and now they're talking about taking off the leg below the knee, but that probably ain't enough because "that gangrene stuff spreads further that you think" and what they definitely should be doing is to take off the leg to above the knee.
I had a sudden urge to use the restroom. I highly recommend this place for breakfast if you are even slightly constipated. I was completely cleaned out and ready for a hiking day with Brad.
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Holy Sheep Dip
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Scattered, covered , and smothered.
Went to aWaffle House in Oklahoma in 1992 that had all you can eat salad bar. Hasbrowns were not all you can eat. My friend got the salad bar and then ordered 3 orders of hashbrowns. When the waitress brought them over he immediately dumped them in his bowl of salad and stirred it all together. The waitress just kind of stood there staring with her mouth open. Green leafy stuff don't mix with greasy things in the South. Also grits don't mix with fruit....but that's another story.
as it was open early
They never close. 24 hours. That's what gives them character.
24hr post pandemic is a dying concept which is sad because 24 hour is quintessential Americana.
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People eat salad with bacon grease drizzled over it - why not greasy hash browns? Corn and fruit sounds good too.
Speaking of great ideas - how about this? It's Leap Day today.
We should all meet on the west side, free solo Old Original to the North Tower and leap off holding hands! EPIC!!
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April Fools is a month away
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leap off holding hands!
:puke:
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:puke:
(https://live.staticflickr.com/4425/37212444175_50328dc6cf_z.jpg)
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April Fools is a month away
rip van clinkle
(https://live.staticflickr.com/65535/50261539371_0f15064e02.jpg)
No sense in waiting til the last minute
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What Mud said, but ever so slow.
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Where do mansplainers get their water?
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^^^
From a well, actually.
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What is the difference between Tang and OJ?
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Tang won’t kill you.
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What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?
A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush.
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If anyone goes up there - consider getting the Wild Country quick draw off Flies on a Pile - it's been there for about 8 years.
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A lady goes to the doctor with a lettuce leaf sticking out of her pants.
The doctor says, “Oh, this is a strange one.”
The lady says: “Yes, and that's just the tip of the iceberg.”
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Quite contrary and awful!
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Which bear is the most condescending bear?
a Pan, DUH!