Okay, this is the funniest damn thing I have seen in quite some time.
from my friend Jon Cochran:
John ,
For your Pinns bolt kit, if you plan on stance placements, make sure to include the following items;
The Higgens distance reducing glasses. The runout to the next stance will seem like nothing with these babies.
The Holmgren XXXL jock strap. It's bigger than your bolt bag, but as a by-product of not using hooks you will be surprised at how fast you'll grow.
Waltons nerve cream. Try to remember to apply before the ascent, it will keep you calm and focused. You might forget to use it and freak, running out the upper half of the route without pro. In that case use generously to help control convulsions, dry-heaving, and the shakes.
Do not fall.
Also remember as the first ascentionist of a Pinns route you were able to touch all the holds that won't be there for future generations.
The stupid name chosen will be forever, so name it well.
Jon