This sunday's trip back to premeditated will be my 4th time on the route. No other route has had that same pull on me. Like I teach my students in English class, when something is given more attention that you would normally expect, it's probably a symbol with more embedded meaning than its literal meaning.
I distinctly remember talking to Brad in the parking lot the first day I intended to get on the route; he told me about the last ascent up the route that Mucci and Munge has done. He mentioned that they had used Bridwell's hammer and that they had a real appreciation for the history of the route. I doubt you know it Brad, but that exchange had a profound effect upon me.
Up until that point, I was in love with the technical experience of sick aid, feeling like hard scary aid was something I could sink my teeth into. I wanted to nail routes that couldn't be done without nailing, I wanted to do something that trade routes no longer allowed due to the eroding effect of popularity.
The "history" aspect of the route made me think that what drew me to hard nailing, hooking, and such was the idea that on those routes, I shared with a direct lineage to those that had created it. Climbing the Shield today no longer allows you step into the path of Porter, but hard routes allow you to get closer to the past. Premeditated feels that way, less like reaching for the next placement, more like reaching for places in history. (that was overly dramatic, but my B.A. is in creative writing, so I can't help myself)
Randomly, I ran into Chuck Clance at Discovery Wall, months before Premeditated was a sparkle in my eye, where we got to talking about aiding and he mentioned Mucci as someone he had climbed with and respected as a true climber and strait up guy (this all said as he down 3 cans of beer then went off to solo Portent) I feel now like, at least at the Pinnacles, I can move in the path of names like Bridwell, and, more recently, Mucci, and connect to something I can't do when I'm groundlocked.
I sound starry-eyed, but it's not that. I feel like i've been changed by climbing through fear and reluctant success. That change is part from within, but just as much from without, by people that help me understand what I'm doing and understand myself in the process.