Don't either of you have anything constructive to do on a Saturday night (like go trick or treating).
Too late for this year. Next Halloween you can go as Brad. This will take some work.
First the costume. An old t-shirt(rugby if it's cold), short shorts( if you can not find these, you can make a pair easily enough by cutting 6 inches off a normal pair of shorts) and any size day pack. Now sew on patches and some of the patches will need patches sewn over them as well to be authentic. This will take days and it would be a good idea to coax someone else into doing it for you.
Next, research and map all your local neighborhood spots for tick or treating. Take a few pictures of the creepiest houses and note the ones that give out two or more handfuls of booty, put a number of stars next to these accordingly. Make a guide with the maps, descriptions, a few pics and it's OK to throw a few stars in the crappy neighborhoods if a friend you know lives there, or you have a rental there, or it's your mechanic's house etc.
Now you are ready for next Halloween! You will look like a famous person who fell on hard times and will know the best spots for raking in a big haul. All the while selling copies of your "Guide to My Local Trick Or Treating" by yourself and whoever you could rope in somehow to help compile it. After 5 to 10 years you may even make a profit but by then it will be time to make a new, updated guide.
The best part is that the costume will only get better with wear though the years.
Note: If you don't have sexy legs go with the extremely patched pants version. If you end up feeling the need to knock on every door in your county, see a shrink.