Author Topic: Bad Jokes and clever sayings  (Read 14570 times)

JC w KC redux

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Bad Jokes and clever sayings
« on: August 23, 2016, 04:37:12 PM »
Heard one for Brad yesterday.

Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs?

The cow has the udder.

I heard this said in a movie. Books are TV for smart people.

Does it help that we now have a smart TV?

Does that mean we can no longer call it the Boob Tube or Idiot Box?

Speaking of clever sayings, I saw where there is a new documentary about Frank Zappa in theaters.

How many mudders besides me and nelkins are Zappa fans?



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Brad Young

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Re: Bad Jokes and clever sayings
« Reply #1 on: August 23, 2016, 05:48:41 PM »

How many mudders besides me and nelkins are Zappa fans?



Count me in. A person has to be brilliant to be that irreverent.

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Re: Bad Jokes and clever sayings
« Reply #2 on: August 23, 2016, 06:00:50 PM »
 Laughing makes for strong abs.

 
 
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mynameismud

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Re: Bad Jokes and clever sayings
« Reply #3 on: August 24, 2016, 08:08:16 AM »
I drove from the Bay Area to LA while listening to Joe's Garage. 
Here's to sweat in your eye

mungeclimber

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Re: Bad Jokes and clever sayings
« Reply #4 on: August 24, 2016, 09:21:25 PM »
I drove from the Bay Area to LA while listening to Joe's Garage. 

why?

Not the music, but the drive?
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Brad Young

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Re: Bad Jokes and clever sayings
« Reply #5 on: August 25, 2016, 05:29:07 AM »
After starting this thread, J.C.'s next project was to figure out what happened to the sun at night. He stayed up and stayed up trying to figure out where the sun was and why it was dark.

Then it dawned on him.

JC w KC redux

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Re: Bad Jokes and clever sayings
« Reply #6 on: August 25, 2016, 07:58:33 AM »
After starting this thread, J.C.'s next project was to figure out what happened to the sun at night.

ESAD!  :madmax:
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Re: Bad Jokes and clever sayings
« Reply #7 on: August 25, 2016, 09:08:09 AM »
 JC's stool and udder joke get's 1.5 stars, Brad's joke would have received 2 as well in a generic form but insinuating JC in a lawn chair, up all night waiting..., gets an additional star.
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JC w KC redux

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Re: Bad Jokes and clever sayings
« Reply #8 on: August 25, 2016, 09:37:04 AM »
JC's stool and udder joke get's 1.5 stars, Brad's joke would have received 2 as well in a generic form but insinuating JC in a lawn chair, up all night waiting..., gets an additional star.

You can skip the feast and just DIE  :puke:
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JC w KC redux

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Re: Bad Jokes and clever sayings
« Reply #9 on: August 25, 2016, 04:14:00 PM »
I drove from the Bay Area to LA while listening to Joe's Garage. 

Were you singing along with Bald Headed John King?

I'm over 2 kilometers tall... :lol:
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JC w KC redux

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Re: Bad Jokes and clever sayings
« Reply #10 on: August 25, 2016, 08:10:23 PM »


The category on Jeopardy was Almost Rhymes With Orange.

Here are the clues. Pretty easy. I ran the category.


Carrying boats and supplies overland between two navigable bodies of water

French for a mixture or medley of things

To scorch, or to burn the ends of hair or cloth

In a popular saying, this is a dish best served cold

The form of rock most closely associated with Kurt Cobain and Nirvana
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mungeclimber

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Re: Bad Jokes and clever sayings
« Reply #11 on: August 25, 2016, 08:51:57 PM »

The category on Jeopardy was Almost Rhymes With Orange.

Here are the clues. Pretty easy. I ran the category.


Carrying boats and supplies overland between two navigable bodies of water
PORTAGE

French for a mixture or medley of things
COLLAGE

To scorch, or to burn the ends of hair or cloth
CINGE

In a popular saying, this is a dish best served cold
REVENGE

The form of rock most closely associated with Kurt Cobain and Nirvana
MUNGE

On Aid at Pinns... It's all A1 til it crumbles. - Munge

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Re: Bad Jokes and clever sayings
« Reply #12 on: August 26, 2016, 06:03:07 AM »
What did the chick say when the hen laid an orange?




Look at the orange marma laid!
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Re: Bad Jokes and clever sayings
« Reply #13 on: August 26, 2016, 06:07:47 AM »
Quote
have you ever heard of the atheist dial-a-prayer?

you call it up and nobody answers.

Quote
just don't let your dogma get run over by a kharma, but if it happens, i don't mind being on the bus watching, as i am not perfect nor ever will be, other wise i would be god, jus sayin, wtf, over?

Courtesy of a Dr. Sprock, from ST this morning, a thread titled-Why do so many people believe in God? (Serious Question?)
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JC w KC redux

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Re: Bad Jokes and clever sayings
« Reply #14 on: August 26, 2016, 07:09:13 PM »
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JC w KC redux

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Re: Bad Jokes and clever sayings
« Reply #15 on: June 28, 2021, 08:22:46 AM »

My neighbor said he was afraid to grow an apple tree.

I suggested he grow a pear.
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JC w KC redux

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Re: Bad Jokes and clever sayings
« Reply #16 on: June 28, 2021, 08:23:25 AM »

I don't snore.

I just dream that I am a motorcycle.
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briham89

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Re: Bad Jokes and clever sayings
« Reply #17 on: June 28, 2021, 12:03:02 PM »
All Swedish battleships have a UPC code printed on the hull.
When the ships return to port, it helps them Scandinavian.

Brad Young

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Re: Bad Jokes and clever sayings
« Reply #18 on: June 28, 2021, 02:51:02 PM »
A woman asked an Army General when the last time he had made love to a woman. The general replied "1956, ma'am."

The woman, in disbelief said "1956?! That long? Come with me and let me make your night better." The woman and general went back to her apartment and made passionate love for over an hour. Afterwards, the woman cuddled up to the general and said "Well, you sure haven't forgotten anything since 1956..."

The general looked at her, confused, and replied "I sure hope not, it's only 2130 now."

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Re: Bad Jokes and clever sayings
« Reply #19 on: June 28, 2021, 04:11:56 PM »

 “Once upon a time,” I began. “There was a little boy born in a little town. He was perfect, or so his mother thought. But one thing was different about him. He had a gold screw in his belly button. Just the head of it peeping out.
“Now his mother was simply glad he had all his fingers and toes to count with. But as the boy grew up he realized not everyone had screws in their belly buttons, let alone gold ones. He asked his mother what it was for, but she didn’t know. Next he asked his father, but his father didn’t know. He asked his grandparents, but they didn’t know either.
“That settled it for a while, but it kept nagging him. Finally, when he was old enough, he packed a bag and set out, hoping he could find someone who knew the truth of it.
“He went from place to place, asking everyone who claimed to know something about anything. He asked midwives and physickers, but they couldn’t make heads or tails of it. The boy asked arcanists, tinkers, and old hermits living in the woods, but no one had ever seen anything like it.
“He went to ask the Cealdim merchants, thinking if anyone would know about gold, it would be them. But the Cealdim merchants didn’t know. He went to the arcanists at the University, thinking if anyone would know about screws and their workings, they would. But the arcanists didn’t know. The boy followed the road over the Stormwal to ask the witch women of the Tahl, but none of them could give him an answer.
“Eventually he went to the King of Vint, the richest king in the world. But the king didn’t know. He went to the Emperor of Atur, but even with all his power, the emperor didn’t know. He went to each of the small kingdoms, one by one, but no one could tell him anything.
“Finally the boy went to the High King of Modeg, the wisest of all the kings in the world. The high king looked closely at the head of the golden screw peeping from the boy’s belly button. Then the high king made a gesture, and his seneschal brought out a pillow of golden silk. On that pillow was a golden box. The high king took a golden key from around his neck, opened the box, and inside was a golden screwdriver.
“The high king took the screwdriver and motioned the boy to come closer. Trembling with excitement, the boy did. Then the high king took the golden screwdriver and put it in the boy’s belly button.”
I paused to take a long drink of water. I could feel my small audience leaning toward me. “Then the
high king carefully turned the golden screw. Once: Nothing. Twice: Nothing. Then he turned it the third time, and the boy’s ass fell off.”
There was a moment of stunned silence.
“What?” Hespe asked incredulously.
“His ass fell off.”
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