Following is a list of funny quotes that my friend
Alex collected. In other words, they are original. Have you personally heard anything really funny this year? Share them here. What can be a better Christmas present than a good laugh?
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"If it doesn't taste any good we can add Gatorade powder."
"I'm sitting here fondling my new tools!"
"That sounds rather bad!"
"Why don't you just lower down and see what's down there?"
"Um, NO!"
"Rick, with a silent P."
"What happens if I slip now?"
"I dunno... you die?"
"I want to go for the onsite!"
"Yes, I find that most of my climbs are done onsite too."
"All these problems have one move I can't do."
"Yes, and it's called the crux."
"Is this the crux?"
"Err... it depends on your mojo."
"Don't you hate it when you can just reach a hold, but not quite
enough to get onto it?"
"That's the story of my life!"
"Don't do anything unreasonably stupid."
"Are you a climber?"
"Err...yes."
"Are you a dirtbag climber?"
"Are you all waiting in line to TR Moby Dick?"
"No, we have a guy leading Ahab."
"REALLY?"
"Is that the dude who was on Ahab? Does he just want to suffer?"
"So would you say that your limit is 12d?"
"Depends on the climb. Yesterday I was on a 5.9 chimney that was at
my limit."
"I was wishing for a mono in that chimney!"
"You are driving fast enough to kill a small child!"
"Geez, I wasted my time on that granite crap and you have a place
called Little Verdon?"
"This goes much better as a lieback!"
"The climbing so far is only about 5.7."
"Then why are you hanging on all your gear?"
"Because I have no balls."
"LOFT - Lack Of Fucking Talent."
"Are you OK?"
"Nothing that a beer and four Advil wouldn't fix."
"Four Advil? That sounds like a lot!"
"It hurts!"
"Maybe you could try this new route and tell me what you think the
grade is?"
"OK."
"You'll probably find it pretty easy."
"Oh? How come?"
"Oh, just judging by your shoes."
"And remember this is advice coming from someone who recommends
drinking a cup of your own piss every day to stay healthy!"
"I don't like to think."
"I left my balls back at the car with my stick clip."
"That's the first time I've fallen and the gear hasn't pulled!"
"TAKE!"
"No!"
"NO!?!?"
"You're at a no hands rest."
"Oh, yeah."
"When I get on an offwidth, sometimes I feel like I was made for
them..."
"I think I climbed this pitch faster than Dean Potter!"
"Starfuckers."
"Straight in corners and open shuts."
"Bring it on!"
"No dead baby jokes!"
"What's the hardest thing about being a sport climber?"
"Admitting to your parents that you are gay."
"I've never seen this level of activity before! You've done three
problems in 5 minutes!"
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mudworm's note: Do not try to interpret my format editting.
